The Bitchies Disease

*Warning*  Rant ahead.  This is a different post than my normal schnormal.  Enjoy.

I posted a status on Facebook today, stating that I was thinking about hopping up on a soapbox, and I asked my friends to please hold me back. They didn’t.  Those bastards.  They chanted and begged and kept checking back to see if I had caved. Here goes.

This rant is about The Bitchies, a particular disease that is peculiar to the female population.   I know there is a male version of it, but that is not the point of this rant.  So, dudes, you can chill.

The last several weeks I have stumbled across this disease of  The Bitchies more than once and have caught this disease more than once myself, and I  am so over it.  I feel so annoyed by bitchy, whiny women who complain about their lives non stop whether in real life or via social media.  I mean whatever happened to the power of positivity?  I especially feel annoyed when I catch the disease.  And, don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying we should go all Pollyanna on Facebook.  But let’s cut the victimization and stuck-ness that leads to The Bitchies. The symptoms of The Bitchies Disease are whining  and feeling powerless and stuck and pretty much rocking the victim’s role all while remaining unwilling to make any changes or do any of the hard work it takes to be the leading lady of our lives.  We whine about our husbands or lack thereof.  We whine about our kids or our infertility.  We bitch about never going on vacation or never getting any time to ourselves.  We whine about our parents and our in laws and our finances that are never enough.   We whine and bitch about what could have been, what would have been and what should have been.  And yet, if any of these situations did change, we would find something else to whine about. You get the picture.  And, trust me, I might be the fairest of them all.  I have been guilty about whining and bitching about all of these issues (except for infertility, obviously).

I’m not at all downplaying the difficulty of yours or my circumstances.  I get it.  Life is hard and challenging and really stinkin’ unfair a lot of the time. There are situations that truly do leave us victimized and bleeding.  So please don’t get me wrong.  We shouldn’t feel judged nor self hatred, which only serves to put us in a place of self sabotagery.  Rather, we must find hope.  Hope that will pull us through and beyond victimization. I must take responsibility for this.  I must find hope. I must search deep within myself to discover the love and grace within that is mine for me. Once I tap into that love, I have a free ride, babay.  Well, not really.  But that love within is really is the basis for our happiness.

Ladies, no other person other than myself is responsible for my happiness, for creating a life I love.  I hate to break it to you, but a love-filled life will not be delivered on a silver platter  in the form of  a new car,  cookies or chocolate truffles, The Right Man, a dream home,  a certain number on the scale, a certain number on the tag of your jeans or in a paycheck of some grand size.  So stop sitting around waiting to get lucky.  Stop thinking that happiness is just going to come waltzing into your life and live among the negative thoughts and judgement you have for your life and yourself.  Finding happiness is MY  deal.  Not my parent’s.  Not my church’s.  Not my significant other’s.  Not my hair stylist’s.  It is MY responsibility, and for me to place this on any other person or thing, is asking for disaster and a boatload of disappointment and unhappiness, actually.

I frequently have conversations about this with my daughters.  We talk about her and what she wants for her very own life.   I ask her about her dreams and goals and how she see her life now and in the future.  We talk about the things that would truly be an expression of who she is and her passions and how these spaces in her life are held for her own happiness.  I warn her about doing things for me or their dad because she thinks it would make either of us happy/happier or love her more.   I want her to proactively think about what she wants out of life and to go for it.  If she wants to play volleyball and earn volleyball college scholarships, then it is up to her to get informed at school about the next camp and bring home the paperwork.   I am not the source of her happiness nor the coordinator for her happiness.

Maybe the hardest part is knowing what we want.  However, once we get that figured out, then we should just go get it already.  We should get off the couch and out of our pjs and go after it.  If you want to be successful in business, then do the research, figure out what it takes and take action.  If you want to create a healthier lifestyle and maybe even drop a few pounds, join a gym or sign up for fitness classes, maybe even go for a walk around the block or make a healthy lunch choice.  If you dream of being a master chef one day and keep thinking you can’t because you are a stay-at-home-mom and can’t fit formal classes into your schedule, look up that shit on YouTube and learn all you can at home while your babies nap.  The point is to be proactive and take action in creating a life you dream about but think is only possible under the perfect circumstances.  I challenge you.  Wake up one morning and throw all of your excuses away.    Better yet, before you go to bed tonight, throw all your excuses away so that you can wake up ready to kick some happiness ass. I can’t think of a better antidote to The Bitchies than actively getting in touch with your passions.  I highly doubt that Mother Teresa or Oprah Winfrey or Rosa Parks or Anne Frank would have been able to make something out of their lives the way they did and are doing from the couch in their pjs wishing for the perfect conditions and no obstacles.

So, Bitches, get off the couch and out of your pjs.  Throw ALL of your excuses away.Dare to dream again.  Create  goals.  TAKE ACTION.  Make the changes YOU need to make.  Don’t let fear talk you out of it.  Get happy.  Create a life that you love.  Make your own dreams come true.  Because this is it.  Right here.  Right now. If you enjoyed this post or otherwise have input, click “like” and leave a comment below.  If you agree that our world needs each of us to be the leading lady of our lives, please share this blog post with all of your friends and family.  Let’s not only start a revolution, but let’s BE the revolution!  Right here.  Right now.



  1. “Ladies, no other person other than myself is responsible for my happiness, for creating a life I love.” – AMEN!! a thousand times over. Glad you climbed up on that box, Beks.. these are words we all need to hear. to remember. to live by!! I’m so guilty myself of gripping about my life and yet doing nothing to make it any different. Weight/ exercise has been a big one for me the last few years and after the holidays this year I was like, “that’s it! I either embrace my flab or get my butt moving…” Which, hasn’t been moving all that great lately but your post is blowing new wind in my sails.

    You inspire!

    Thanks, girl. xo


  2. 😀
    I would add 2 things.
    1. God is the only source Who can help us find our passion and true happiness: known otherwise as J.O.Y. After all He made us. And put that passion in us. Whether its photography or baking.
    2. I can speak to Infertility. And while I have my days when I cry over it, I have chosen to accept it and instead of sitting around with as you so delicately put it: havin a case of the bitchies- to reach out to young moms with several little ones or working single moms and even a single dad.
    I am no longer babysitting Paislie. But I loved doing it. I also love caring for the elderly~but dont have the back for it. So I just visit elderly people when I can.
    I also LOVE cooking and baking. My advice to you if you enjoy the same is: change the recipe just a little and make it all your own. I do and have fun with it. 😀


  3. totally agree!!! Love the rant and am proud of how you grabbed the bull by the horns and went after your dreams, I know it has not all been easy! also how you are teaching your daughters to do the same. valuable!!


  4. I agree with you, but I find it hard, not only to pull myself out of victim mode, but to teach my daughter that yeah, life isn’t fair, it’s hard, so deal with it. It’s worse for both of us to deal with things we don’t like that are beyond our control (death, best friends moving away).

    I admire how you are dealing proactively with life, even when it’s not easy, and you are such an inspiration! ❤


  5. Wow! I soooo needed to read this. I have been in a life sucking rut these past few weeks and you wouldn’t know it by my social media but I have been avoiding everything and everyone and just sitting on my couch in a puddle of my own tears. 😦 I am ready to work harder at my happiness and making my life a better place for my family and friends to be apart of.
    Becky, I am so grateful that you have come into my life. You are such an amazing woman and I want to surround myself with people like you!


    1. Christina, thank you for the super kind words! I am sorry to hear about you feeling stuck in a rut! We all have those days/weeks/months…and it’s OK!! I am trying to learn to embrace them as times needed for rest and downtime….maybe reflection,even. Work through them rather than fight them. Huge props to you for taking responsibility!! Love ya.


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